Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Do Not Disturb

This is what Dexter does best.
I want to hold him and interact with him and make sure he's getting enough love and attention and stimulation, but when he wants to sleep, he kinda has a don't-mess-with-me attitude. Of course he's upset by diaper changes, wiping crusties off of his mouth, being unswaddled to take the tube in and out of his gastric button, having the gauze changed, and all of that kind of stuff. But he's also upset if you try to give him a pacifier or bottle when he's not in the mood, and sometimes he's even aggravated by me trying to hold him when he just wants to sleep. So we try to make the most of moments when he's awake. Xander and Elodie love to dote on him and excitedly shout, "Look, his eyes are open!" It is still kind of a novelty."Why does Dexter have punching things on his hands?" Xander wanted to know. Well, you gotta train boxers young, that's what I always say, so his PT at the hospital designed these boxing gloves especially for Dex. And, oddly enough, he doesn't mind wearing them or putting them on or taking them off.
If only he was that agreeable to the bottle feeding attempts. When he is in just the right wakeful yet calm yet hungry mood, he does really well (really well being a relative term describing the condition in which he only gulps and forgets to breathe 2 or 3 times at the beginning and then takes more controlled yet very intermittent sucks while remembering to breathe and stay latched on until he wears himself out). As you may have guessed, Dexter is not in just the right mood each of the three times I attempt to bottle feed him everyday. On Friday, the morning and afternoon attempts were so frustrating for both Dexter and me that I nixed the evening feed altogether. It was so disheartening to see him doing worse than he had been a week before. When my dear visiting teachers came over that evening to bring me dinner, they asked the simple question, "How are you doing?" and I started to cry. I tell ya, when someone is too nice to me, the floodgates open. Well, I recovered and regained perspective, and Saturday and Sunday I was more careful to notice when Dexter was ready to try the bottle, and the feeds went really well (see above). Since then, he's had his shining moments and his gagging moments. I'll just sum up by saying that Dexter has DEFINITELY confirmed our decision to have the surgeons install that G-button. He couldn't survive without it.


thepersonaltouch said...

He looks so sweet. We've been praying that you can stay strong and handle all you have on your plate. Just take one day, one hour, one moment at a time, prayerfully and before long things will get into more of a routine.

We want to try to get over & visit you at home. I'm "better", so starting to get around more.

Hugs, Roxane & Randy

merathon said...

he looks SO sweet (and a lot like xander i think)! you're doing great, monette! you are an amazing mom and i wish i lived closer so that i could bring you dinner and help out too! love you!

Cervantes Family said...

It's sounds like you are going through really frustrating and tough times, it will pass. You are a great mom and a great daughter of God. Thanks for your example.