Monday, March 30, 2009
Warning: This post may cause occular leakage
Look at that scrunched up little face! Dexter has gradually gotten less responsive and more floppy since Friday, and today he is really not doing well. He woke up so cold, despite being swaddled and covered in multiple blankets. I've tried sharing my body heat with him and I just can't seem to get him to warm up. He's really pale. I haven't heard him cry since last week. And now his abdomen is hard and swollen and his eyes look puffy. He hasn't been requiring as many diaper changes, despite getting the same amount of milk pumped into him, and I just don't know what to do for him. Should I keep giving him milk when his abdomen is that distended? I don't think so, but then what about dehydration? It's hard to know. Dexter had an EEG at TCH scheduled for this afternoon, but I canceled it because, as strange as this may sound, we want him at home when he's not doing well, not at the hospital. We made some hard decisions before leaving the hospital last time, but we felt peace about them and we still do. We aren't going to admit him to the hospital again. We feel good about that. The Lord has gently given us the impression that Dexter won't be with us on Earth for very long. And I feel submssive and grateful to have him at the moment and for eternity. But it's still so hard to watch him get worse. I think I'll just hold him all day.