Monday, March 30, 2009

Warning: This post may cause occular leakage

Look at that scrunched up little face! Dexter has gradually gotten less responsive and more floppy since Friday, and today he is really not doing well. He woke up so cold, despite being swaddled and covered in multiple blankets. I've tried sharing my body heat with him and I just can't seem to get him to warm up. He's really pale. I haven't heard him cry since last week. And now his abdomen is hard and swollen and his eyes look puffy. He hasn't been requiring as many diaper changes, despite getting the same amount of milk pumped into him, and I just don't know what to do for him. Should I keep giving him milk when his abdomen is that distended? I don't think so, but then what about dehydration? It's hard to know. Dexter had an EEG at TCH scheduled for this afternoon, but I canceled it because, as strange as this may sound, we want him at home when he's not doing well, not at the hospital. We made some hard decisions before leaving the hospital last time, but we felt peace about them and we still do. We aren't going to admit him to the hospital again. We feel good about that. The Lord has gently given us the impression that Dexter won't be with us on Earth for very long. And I feel submssive and grateful to have him at the moment and for eternity. But it's still so hard to watch him get worse. I think I'll just hold him all day.


The Easton Family said...

We love you and are praying for you and your family. Please let us know when you need anything

Melanie said...

I've wanted to comment so many times on your blog, but every time I've typed one I re-read it and don't think it's quite right. Well, right now I don't really care if my thoughts are put down eloquently.

I just need to tell you that I really ache for you and your family right now.

Since the beginning of little Dexter's story I've been so amazed at the attitude you've had throughout this. You've helped me feel and rely on the spirit more because of the spirit you convey through your posts.

I love you, and my heart is definitely with you and your family.

---Oh and this post definitely cause some ocular leakage :) ---

Nicole said...

My first resonse is that I am so very sorry. I fully beleive that no parent should have to out live their child. But when I think more deeply about it, at least you have had these 4 months (almost) to hold and love Dexter. I have been so amazed at your strength through this whole challenge and know that there are some extra blessings for you. You make me want to rely more on the spirit and get out of my own head through my own challenges. We will send the most love, prayers and support to you that we can. Just hold your babies beacuse nothing is more important than that right now.

Sarah said...

We love you guys. We will be keeping you in our prayers! It is no mere coincidence that this precious spirit was entrusted to you and Aaron. You two are spiritual giants. Xander and Elodie are further proof of that. I am always impressed with your stories of them and their love and compassion.

I wish I could come over and give you a big hug and hold little Dexter!

Karen said...

Lots of occular leakage, and continued admiration for you and Aaron and your children. I am so glad you are close by to your family, Monette; I know they have been and will continue to be a great support. I know it's easy for me to say, but what a privilege for you and Aaron to be the parents of this sweet little boy, who must be so perfect that he needed to receive his physical body, but perhaps not have to face the challenges that a long mortal life can bring. You and your family are in our prayers.

Cervantes Family said...

Monette, Thanks for your post. I wish Dexter comfort and I KNOW that he feels your love and the rest of the family. I admire your decision to keep him out of the hospital. You are the best thing for him right now.
Thanks for you great YW lesson yesterday.
Call if you need me to do something for you. I'm just down the street.

Tyler said...

Your faith and strength the past few months amaze me. I don't imagine that I could ever understand the heartache that you must be experiencing, but I hope and trust that you will find comfort and solace. Know that you are in our prayers.

jessica said...

Know that our thoughts and our prayers are with you! We love you. Monette, you are so strong and positive.

Laurel Lee Pedersen said...

Dear Aaron and Monette,
We love you so much and will put all your names on the Draper Temple prayer roll this afternoon. So wish we could be there for you on Friday. You are in our thoughts and prayers. We are so sorry for this great trial at this time for you. Much, much love! Aunt LLee and Uncle Kent