Dexter is still having a hard time. Yesterday morning the neuro team loaded him up with three different seizure medications at once, which pretty much knocked him out for a few hours. But in the afternoon, he started having intermittent seizures again, and that's continued today. They're waiting to see if the maintenance dose that he's on will kick in and control them. In the meantime, it's hard for me to watch the distress on his face when he's having a seizure. He just looks so pitiful.Early this morning, they took Dexter off of milk again in preparation for extubation. But here it is 2:30pm and he's still intubated. The respiratory therapist gave him a pressure trial, and he didn't want to breathe on his own. She tried again, and he didn't show that he was ready to take the reins of breathing. So she's supposed to be back again soon to try once more, but if he's not ready then, it'll be pushed off until tomorrow, again. He's responsive and seemingly back at baseline; I can't figure out why he's not showing them that he really does know how to breathe. But when has anyone been able to figure out little Dexter?
I had really been hoping to get Dexter home today or tomorrow. The continued seizure activity and ventilator dependence is NOT what I needed. But when I turned on Aaron's laptop and went to lds.org, I read the title of President Monson's March message, and could tell that it was exactly what I needed. I didn't even get past the second line where he quoted Jacob--I went to that reference and cross-referenced it and was reminded that the most desirable gift from God is not the removal of trials (as much as I desire that at times!), but feeling His love. Simple.
"Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, ...O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever." (Jacob 3:1-2)
"Yea, it is the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things." (1 Nephi 11:22)
I'm now seeking after a "firm mind."
When I typed "firm mind" in the lds.og search engine, it brought up the talk "But If Not" by Elder Wickman from a few years ago. I remember the premise of the talk being about Shadrack, Meshack, and Abednego's faith that they would be saved from the fiery furnace, but if not, they would still be faithful to God. That seemed quite applicable, so I clicked on the link. But I hadn't remembered just how specifically the talk was designed for me as I sit here by Dexter's bedside until I read the first two paragraphs. Check this out.
I feel such a reassurance that God is aware of me.
2 comments:
Oh, Monette, that article "But If Not" is beautiful. I, too, had completely forgotten what it is about. What a perfect message to read today. Did you read it with tears streaming down your face like I just did? While I was reading your blog just now, Corinne was looking at your family picture to the side and she asked, "How come they look happy in that picture?" So I explained that even though Dexter is sick, you and Aaron are happy that he's in your family and you're also happy because you know that Heavenly Father loves you and Dexter. Monette and Aaron, we all love you and are praying for and with you as you are "struggling in this laboratory of applied faith". I think you both are doing much better than you know.
ditto to mirien's comments. i can't say it better than she did. i was speechless when i read that article and hadn't really remembered it from 7 years ago. i'm so glad you found it exactly when you needed it. that's what happens when you are as in tune to the spirit as you are!
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